🦄 The Scottish Medium, The Kelpies, and Scotland’s Other National Drink

🦄If you know me at all, you'll know I’m rarely far from a sarcastic comment, a spiritual insight, or a can of Scotland's other national drink—Irn-Bru. And for my American friends wondering what that is, allow me to explain…

Irn-Bru (pronounced “Iron Brew”) is a fluorescent-orange fizzy drink that has been Scotland’s favourite beverage since 1901. Manufactured by AG Barr, it tastes like bubblegum, citrus, and raw chaos in a can—yet somehow it works. It’s wildly popular in Scotland, where it's often preferred even over Coca-Cola. In fact, we love it so much it’s affectionately known as “Scotland’s other national drink” (the first, of course, being whisky).

But it’s not just the taste that keeps it iconic—it’s the brand’s absolutely unhinged sense of humour. Irn-Bru adverts are legendary for being bold, sarcastic, irreverent, and often walking the line between genius and complaint-inducing chaos. From parodies of Christmas classics to goths being told to “cheer up,” to cows declaring they want to be “washed down with Irn-Bru” when they become burgers, their marketing is basically a national sport. They don’t sell fizzy juice—they serve up satire with fizz.

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So imagine my joy when I saw Irn-Bru’s latest bit of genius marketing: a real proposal to turn the towering Kelpies statues in Falkirk into unicorns every April 9th for National Unicorn Day. Yes, they want to attach massive horns to these iconic sculptures. Only in Scotland would this be considered a logical step—and I say that with pride.

The advert for the new Unicorn flavour Irn Bru

And here’s the important bit: this is not an April Fools' prank. The story broke in early May 2025—a full month after April 1st—in respected UK news outlets including The Scotsman, STV News, and The National. Irn-Bru’s parent company AG Barr genuinely submitted this unicorn horn proposal to Falkirk Council as part of its public consultation for future developments. The council confirmed receipt. CGI mock-ups were released. This wasn’t some social media spoof or one-off joke—it was part of a full-blown campaign to promote a new Irn-Bru flavour called “Unicorn Tears.” Say what you want about Scottish marketing, but we commit to the bit.

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And before you ask—no, this wasn’t my idea. But it does feel like something I’d come up with after a long drive back from a church service and too many Irn-Bru chew bars. In fact, that’s exactly how I first encountered the Kelpies: lit up in glowing red light one night, like two hell-horses auditioning for a supernatural rave. Naturally, I slammed on the brakes, took some overly dramatic photos, and used them as my logo when I was starting out as The Scottish Medium. Those images are still floating around online—like certain spirits I know, hanging about, waiting for their moment.

Weirdly enough, I’m serving the same church again this evening—and saw the Irn-Bru unicorn article this very morning. Coincidence? Synchronicity? Or just the spirit world having a laugh and a fizzy drink?

Now, for my American readers wondering what the Kelpies are—and why Scotland thought building 100-foot steel horse heads was a good idea—let me enlighten you, the Scottish way.

The Kelpies are two towering equine sculptures located in Falkirk, central Scotland. They stand 30 metres (about 100 feet) high and are made entirely of shimmering metal. They’re visible from miles away and look like they’re either about to bless you or trample you, depending on your energy.

They were created by internationally celebrated Scottish sculptor Andy Scott, who has a thing for giant metal animals. His other works include The Heavy Horse beside the M8 motorway and The Beacon of Hope in Belfast. But the Kelpies? Oh, this is his Beyoncé moment—his masterpiece. And only Scotland could look at its mythology and say, “Let’s immortalise our most terrifying folklore beasties in 300 tonnes of steel by a canal.” It’s utter madness—and it’s utterly brilliant.

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Of course, in Scottish folklore, Kelpies aren’t just horses. They’re shape-shifting spirits—usually found lurking in quiet pools or lochs. The legend goes like this: you’re walking past a still body of water, and you see what looks like a stunning, naked human lounging at the edge. You think, “Well this looks promising,” and wade in, only for the sexy stranger to transform into a giant supernatural horse. You're already on top—expecting one kind of ride—and then bam, it gallops into the depths, dragging you under.

The Kelpie in human form - do not get to close!

Let that be a lesson: if something looks too good to be true in Scotland, it probably wants to drown you.

So yes—Irn-Bru wanting to stick unicorn horns on these bad boys? I’m completely here for it. The unicorn, after all, is Scotland’s official national animal. And not just for giggles. Unicorns have symbolised purity, power, and the untameable since the 12th century. In fact, in the royal coat of arms, the unicorn is chained—because legend says only a true Scottish king could control one.

Unicorns are fierce. Proud. Slightly ridiculous. Spiritually symbolic. Much like Scotland itself.

As someone who trades as The Scottish Medium, I love that Irn-Bru are blending ancient myth with modern humour. It’s a cheeky celebration of Scottish identity—just the kind of mystical mischief I try to channel in my own work.

So here’s to Irn-Bru, who somehow keep Scotland fizzy and enchanted. Here’s to the Kelpies—soon to be unicorns. And here’s to all of us spiritual seekers who still believe in a bit of magic, a lot of laughter, and the occasional flirtation with a shape-shifting water demon.

— Marc Stuart, The Scottish Medium